Caesarean is for Cowards? I feel the pain after Caesarean is a life imprisonment

Many people think that C-section is for those women who don’t have the heart to bear the pain but it is a complete myth because Caesarean is itself a painful story.

I also used to think that Caesarean means cutting the stomach and taking out the baby. It is a simple and painless method but my perceptions changed with the birth of my first child.

I have heard many aunties talking about how girls these days opt for a cesarean because they don’t want to go through labor pain. Well, frankly I didn’t want to be tagged as a coward.

During my first pregnancy, I have been constantly suggested to become physically active, walk a lot and eat well as these methods increase the chances of normal delivery. AND I DID THAT ALL!

I ate well, walked more than a kilometer sometimes under the scorching sun (I was a working woman then), and kept myself active.

When I felt body changes in me during my third trimester, I Google those changes and found that those changes were necessary for normal childbirth. I was happy or say more than happy.

My happiness vanished in one single night. My head started aching and I have tried everything from medicines to herbal oils meant for relieving headaches.

After going through continuous head pain for 8 hours, I got to know that my blood pressure has reached beyond normal limits. My husband immediately took me to the hospital and I saw the story just before and after childbirth.

I have become an open show for the medical staff

When I was in school, I was a girl who always used to wear a skirt reaching below knees just to cover most of her legs. But at the hospital, I was asked to raise my hospital gown to my waist level every now and then.

They expected me not to overreact to their demand.  

I hoped that they would understand that showing my privates was not my hobby. For them, it was their regular job. For me, it was embarrassing but a necessary act.

I think every girl who goes to the hospital forgets the instructions of her elders about covering her unmentionables because medical staff will uncover you to an extent that you couldn’t tell if you are covered or exposed.

Although, most of the medical staff were females and doing everything for my well being still they were invading my personal space which was making me uncomfortable.

My pubic hair was shaved by a nurse, which was again really embarrassing. I thought that they were over with me but to my surprise, they came again. What the hell?

Poking, Poking, and more poking

The inserting process of the catheter was painful and again embarrassing. I think I should leave this word because I was somehow convinced that their “UP” means “hey girl, burn your shame in the fires of hell and let us do our job.” So, I let them do their job.

But when they told me about enema [See enema process here], I asked Mother Nature (of course in my mind) that was it necessary to provide many posterior openings to women? Why didn’t you choose men for that?

My silent conversation with Mother Nature didn’t hamper the nurse activities and she also left silently after finishing her job.

I wanted labor pains

Next, come the pain-inducing medicine from below which gave me mild pain in my waist but it gave immense pain to my fellow ward mate who was roaring in pain. I was gawking at her and thinking “Why the hell I am not getting the pain?”

The only part of my body which was in pain was my HEAD. Maybe the medicine has some kind of enmity with me.

That roaring lady has delivered her child after 6 hours of pain and kept telling me in between that how I am lucky because I was getting operated on. I glared at her in return every time because I didn’t want to get operated on.

I was feeling that I have disappointed my husband. He said that I wanted you to deliver normally but if C-section is necessary for your safety then let it be.

When I was taken to OT, I was scared like hell.

The feeling of getting cut was very scary. I wanted to see every important person in my life.

When I was asked to sit on the Operation table so that they can inject anesthesia into my back, I knew I was half naked but thanked god that my round protruding belly has gave me temporary privacy.

The chilling moment

They patched me up after taking out the baby and readied me to send me to the ward. As soon as I came out of the OT, I felt like I have been placed on ice slabs.

I was freezing and I was telling everyone to cover me up with blankets. Surprisingly, I have not felt this chilling moment during my second delivery.

Weak and dependent

For the first time in my life, I felt the agony of a disabled person when I couldn’t move my lower half even a millimeter. I was told that the effect of anesthesia will subside soon and I will become normal.

I was asked not to move from my lying position for the next 24 Hrs. I was lying on my back in my bed for 24 hours without turning to my sideways.

It was painful and exhausting at the same time.

I could not take my baby in my arms and I envy my own friends and relatives who were easily taking him in their arms and loving him. My throat was parched but I was not allowed to drink water, not even a drop for 24 hours.

I was gulping my own spit to wet my throat and bearing everything without complaining.

After those 24 hours, my husband supported me to do little movements and I touched my baby for the first time. I needed help in doing little things and it was breaking me from the inside.

I pleaded “Please remove these tubes”

After the delivery, I knew only one thing. IT WAS PAIN, PAIN, AND MORE PAIN. Tubes were sticking out from my body from here and there. When they inject the medicine through the cannula, a shooting pain made me remember my mother, her mother and all my grandmothers.

A taunting welcome giving mental pain

Even after coming home, the pain didn’t leave my side or I must say my backside. It says hello to me every morning and made my “good morning” into a bad one.

I felt my back stiff and sore and the continuous pain gave me sleepless nights and tired days. On top of that, the sweet comment like “Pet fadwa k aa gayi” was a bonus pain.

I had become the person who didn’t have the heart to bear the labor pain for the society. Nobody dared to say that in front of me but I knew they were looking at me like a culprit.

They wanted to make me feel like it was my mistake that I couldn’t deliver normally.

A nice shower has become a dream

After a warm welcome (note the sarcasm), I badly needed a shower to soothe my body and soul but guess what, I couldn’t do that too because I was told not to wet my dressing. It took me a month to fulfil my dream of having a nice shower.

Earlier I was a water baby but post operation, my body has become sensitive to everything including water. If I spend even five minutes in water like washing my hands, my back started aching.

Caesarean has truly changed my life. It changed my activities, preferences, stamina, tolerance and many more things.

Stitches are for healing or promoting pain

Though the scar of C-sections has not faded completely but I consider it like a badge for bravery. They patched me with stitches which reminded me of their presence whenever I try to sit, stand, walk, laugh, bend and almost in every activity.

I forbid my husband from cracking any jokes because laughing could put pressure on my stitches.

A one wrong move and the stitched area would have got infected and pus started to come out. When it started healing, it became itchy and I had to control that tingling feeling.

I wanted to itch but when my fingers touch that spot, it hurt. Removal of stitches was not that bad, it felt like ant bite and it was done.

Whose pain is bigger?

Now If I compare the pain of a normal delivery and C-section with my personal experience, I feel that the pain of normal delivery is like a death sentence and the pain after Caesarean is a life imprisonment. Both are painful and embarrassing