She was next to me, lying on my shoulders, her hands were wrapped around my waist. Despite several distractions of her beauty, I could only focus on her blue eyes, in which I was drowning slowly and slowly.
I bent forward and kissed her eyes. Her pink blushes were clearly visible and I further kissed her cheeks. I could hear her soft moans. I wrapped my palm around her face and whispered, “I love you Samaira.”
“I love you too,” she replied.
I was about to kiss her when she pushed me back and I fell down the bed. I got back into my senses and realized that it was just a dream that was continuously screening all the sweet moments I had spent with my girlfriend in the past. It has been two months since we had broken up, yet her memories do not fade with time. I’ve had around two girlfriends, excluding her in the past, but never have I ever felt so hurt. She was the girl I was waiting for several years. Unfortunately, I am alone today. I have my friends, family and maybe a few girls to spend my time with, but nothing can fill her absence and get back the smile on my face except Samaira.
I rubbed the dust out of my eyes and walked towards the washroom. My feet were numb and my mouth was dumb. I was just walking, fulfilling my brain’s orders unwillingly. I was a strong man, I should have moved on by now but she has created such a huge difference that I feel sorry for myself today.
I splashed some water on my face and stared my reflection at the mirror. I was analyzing myself and was wondering about my shortcomings when suddenly my eyes drove me into a flashback.
(One year ago)
My eyes just couldn’t get the gaze off her beauty. Her black dress enhanced her personality and she was just looking like a princess. I saw her playing with her blonde hair strands and pulling them above the earlobes so that her fair face becomes more visible to a lover like me. I was engaged admiring her when my friend interrupted and broke my focus.
“Saurabh dude, get a life brother. Be a man and just propose her. Today is her birthday and so it is the best day to confess your feelings for her. What are you waiting for?” advised Rohan.
“It’s not that easy. She seems to be a very simple girl and I am such a spoiled brat. She is completely focused towards her career and I just believe in partying and having fun. She will never accept me. In fact, if I will propose her she might slap me and insult me before everyone. So dude, keep your advice to yourself. A person must always know his limits and must realize what a dream is and what is a reality? She can only be a part of my fantasy but will never love me the way I love her.”
“Hey, stop acting like a coward. Who are you to predict things in advance? I would suggest you hold her hand before she gets another one.”
“Shut up. I think I should wait for some more time before taking any lead. I have managed to become her good friend in the past few months but I promise that I will confess my love before these college days end.”
He continued to convince me to propose Samaira but my ears were deaf that time as my only focus was on how to win Samaira’s heart. While I was busy observing her, she suddenly looked in my direction and I switched my glance immediately. I knew I made it awkward and quiet obvious for her and what I expected that moment turned true. She walked in my direction and the rage was clearly visible in her eyes. I was sure she must have realized that I was staring her badly.
The moment she stood in front of me, my heart just couldn’t stop beating. She looked cuter with that anger on her face.
“Saurabh, I know we are good friends, I might be wrong and do correct me if I am really wrong. What I perceived right now is that you’ve been staring me since the moment I have entered. I have invited you on my birthday as you are my friend but your stares are making me feel uncomfortable.”
I blushed with shame and replied, “I am sorry Samaira. I had no such intentions but you are really looking gorgeous and…….”
“And you cannot control eyes, right?”
‘How did she know that?’ I thought.
“Actually yes. You are right. I was staring you and I couldn’t stop myself because a person can forbid himself from confessing his feelings but his eyes cannot. I know this is not the right way to tell what I want to but right now I just can’t stop myself further. I have waited for this day and I have to face it now.”
I noticed her eyes locking with mine and we were so lost in our conversation that we didn’t realize that we are at a party and our friends are wondering what’s going on. This was the time to just ooze out whatever I had since the first day I saw her.
“Samaira, I don’t want to get too filmy and so I will just say it directly. I love you. I know we are different but there is a quote that opposites always attract and so I know that we would make a perfect match together. If you allow me to be your soulmate I can only promise to be a part of your life.”
I saw that she was disturbed by my proposal but I wanted to know whether she felt the same for me, which I knew was just a false expectation.
To my surprise, she held my hand and said, “Saurabh, honestly speaking, I like you too. My feelings aren’t as strong as yours but I would like to know you better and spend some happy moments with you. It would be too early to say that I love you. I know I feel for you more than friendship. I love you but still not sure. I……”
“I know girl what you are feeling right now. You want to be y girlfriend but you’re scared that I might cheat on you. Right?”
“No, it isn’t so?”
“I assure you that day would never come when I have to leave you. My friends have seen me and they know well that I have never felt like this for any girl before. My emotions are just too strong this time.”
“Well okay, I would like to give us a chance. Let’s be together and develop this bond of love. But promise me that you won’t hurt me ever.”
That was just the most memorable day of my life and things were going on so perfectly. Though we were totally different, we shared good times and enjoyed each and every moment of our lives. Hanging out, communicating via calls, going out on dates, watching movies together, spending time when parents were out, these were all the things we continued to do together. With time my love actually grew for her and I just wanted her to be in my life forever.
My thoughts were disturbed by the echo of my phone. The screen flashed Rohan’s name. I received the call. He forced me to come to a party at his house but I refused. It would have been impossible for me to explain to my friends that I am no more the guy I was. I could actually sympathize with the girls I have dated in the past and have left for my own stupid reasons.
Tears started flowing out of my eyes and I shut them for some time. After a few minutes, I just dozed off to sleep there and then.
(Two months before)
“Look Saurabh, I told you I just like you. Yes, I have feelings for you but being very frank I just cannot visualize spending my entire life with a person like you. I want someone to be like me and not a guy who just parties all day long. The type of guy I would marry would be serious about me and his career unlike you. Maybe your feelings are genuine but I cannot ruin my life for you. These are my college days and I believe that I deserve someone better. I am sorry but I cannot be with you anymore. I don’t know how you’ve been with your ex-girlfriend’s in the past but you were really sweet to me always. I won’t forget you. We will still be friends don’t worry about that. I hope you’ll move on and handle this situation maturely,” whispered Samaira.
I did not reply. Why should I? It wasn’t my fault this time. I knew I could have fought for myself or could have yelled at her before everyone, but I cannot. Something stopped me from hurting her and I just walked opposite her direction without looking back even once. Neither did she stop me nor did I stop myself. With each and every footstep my brain went further and further away from her but my heart had already fixed her inside so she will never get out of that.
I quickly dressed up and switched on my television in order to distract myself from all that had happened. Despite such efforts, I somewhere knew that I would never be able to forget her. I might get another girlfriend but she was the final person I had ever loved in my life and I will move on keeping her memories intact in my heart.
I picked up my phone and dialed a number.
“Hey, Rohan. I am coming. Just keep the drinks ready. We’ll have fun today. The spoilt brat is back but with a golden heart this time.”
This post was last modified on October 27, 2018 9:03 pm